It was brought to my attention this morning, that in all my blogging, I've left out one of my nearest and dearest friends...Lindsay. And of course her wonderful husband Mike, but he doesn't come in until later, so.....
I'm not gonna lie, when I first met Lindsay on the bus, I thought she was a snob. And there really could only be one of us like that. I didn't think we could be friends. I couldn't have been more wrong. Through many things we've been through. Crazy BF moms, hot red Marilyn Monroe dresses, botched hair dye jobs, and babies and weddings.
From a bus ride to school to bridesmaids in each other's wedding...it's been a long ride, and not a single bump. How do you seriously have a friend for almost 20 years and not have SINGLE argument. Or at least one that I remember. She must be a good person, right........which brings me to the biggest decision I've ever had to make, the hardest decision I've ever had to make, and Linsday and Mike.
The Mike and Lindsay Union is the match made in heaven. He's great, she's crazy, he accepts it, and she gets some pretty awesome gifts from the man, even after all that crazy! In all the crazy, they have decided not to have kids...Who doesn't want kids, seriously. Who doesn't want to have jelly on the couch, their shit ruined, gray hair, hospital visits, no intimate vacations, no privacy, no saneness, and no room in closets for their own shit, because their kids have the most clothing. I guess they'd like to be the happy married couple not fighting about raising kids, disciplining kids..etc. Just strange I tell you...........But working to my advantage. How so you ask? These two suckers, Mike and Linsday.....have been entrusted with the care of our children and estate in the event that anything happens to Pete and I. We asked after they were married. We asked again after Kaidence was born, and again after Hunter was born. Each time they said yes. Maybe they honestly and truly believe that the children will never have to be in their care........because if someone came up to me and said "Hey, I hate to ruin your perfectly sane life, but would you be the guardian of the Browning children F0REVER if anything should happen to their children?" I'd say F and then NO!
Haven't you heard the stories you two? Don't you know what kind of children I have. They aren't "plug into the TV and read a book" type of children. They are "hyper active, climb the walls, constantly in trouble, crazy children!" And you will still take them. I'll admit, the monetary perks that come with them would be a motivation, but then refer back to the actual children.....ummm...not so much. No amount of money would be enough to purposefully flip my world upside down and start a new life. So crazy Lowther's......you're crazy.
How do I know these people are THE people that can be trusted forever with my children. It is not only a mother's instinct, it also is rational, smart, well thought out and makes perfect sense. I know my family is a little butt hurt about this decision, and if you're reading this..........I don't give a fuck. You make decision about your own kids, and we make ours about our own. OUR decision, no one else's. Rant over.....story continues....Mike and Lindsay have no kids, they probably won't have any kids, so perfect.....my kids would be the kids, and there is no competition. If something happens to us, I want my kids spoiled rotten, yet disciplined well, and the center of the Universe. I think the best place for that is in a home without other children to compete with. Also, I consider these two financially responsible. I don't want my children in a home where paycheck to paycheck situations dictate the mood and lifestyle. Granted the children come with sizable financial compensation, but they are Browning children. It may never be enough. There is also the Gymboree clause, that Lindsay knows so well....My children are to be dressed in Gymboree clothing only, as they are now, because their mother is a label whore. And last, but not least, I know Mike and Lindsay could love my children the way I love them and make sure they have every opportunity in life they deserve as well as encourage them to be the best people they can be.
Who better than the Lowther's to make my children their own. Peter's first matching outfit (by Absorba) a little cream and yellow rabbit with matching hat......Peter's first little train set for his first BDay, Kaidence first purse........Whether they want children or not, they are in tune to them. I 100% stand by my decision, even if I have seen Lindsay in with badly dyed bleach blonde helmet hair!
My dear Mike and Lindsay- get your asses to Alaska! I see you go to casino's, Bahamas, yet, no Alaska, shameful. Just Shameful. And for the record, we are done having children. No additional nightmares to worry about! But be afraid of these 3, they are our clones.you got screwed! hahahahahahahahaha!
Mar 19, 2011
Mar 18, 2011
Men are just wittle babies with slightly bigger brains
First off, let me remind everyone that I do like my husband. In fact, I love him a ton. Sometimes though I do have things to complain about and neither of us are perfect!
Wednesday I woke up with Strep. I was miserable. I seriously just wanted to put myself out of my misery. Instead, I held on to a gleam of hope that when I got home, my husband would be there to sooth, comfort, and nurse me back to health. Yeah fucking right. Just pure bullshit. Instead I got pissed off and felt worse.
I had the chills so went and soaked in the tub. After, I just wanted to sit on the couch bundled up and close my eyes. Pete was supposed to be taking care of kids. Instead, he was making the kids cry, making the house messier and couldn't figure out what to feed kids. "Honey, what should i feed kids for dinner." "honey, where are the wipes." "Honey, where is the diaper rash cream." and on and on and on. I mean seriously. How about you make the kids a fucking PB and J sandwich, and start opening your eyes and looking for the rest of the shit. I'm literally gonna pass out from the entire strenuous day and being sick, and in a pantry full of food can't come up with a dinner idea? That's just dumb. He was like Scuttle the seagull from the Little Mermaid, but instead of saying "This is this, and that is that" he was saying "where is this, and what is that." I just don't understand why moms being sick is much much less important that everyone else. Who the fuck do these men think takes care of everything for them always. Seriously, out of 365 days, I ask for one day to be taken care of and you are utterly clueless.
And........now Pete has strep. He has that pathetic "help me" look in his eyes. I'll help you all right! I'll help you stay awake and make sure the kids are louder than usual. I'll help you to the kitchen, so you can make the family dinner while you're sick. I'll help you feel desperate for 5 minutes of silence. I'll help you by giving you a swift kick in the ass. Cause guess what buddy...If I didn't get to ride first class on the pity plane, there's no way in fucking hell that you are! So, take that and your pathetic couch drop and SUCK IT!
Oh and Honey, I hope you feel better soon. Let me know if there's anything you need! NOT!
Wednesday I woke up with Strep. I was miserable. I seriously just wanted to put myself out of my misery. Instead, I held on to a gleam of hope that when I got home, my husband would be there to sooth, comfort, and nurse me back to health. Yeah fucking right. Just pure bullshit. Instead I got pissed off and felt worse.
I had the chills so went and soaked in the tub. After, I just wanted to sit on the couch bundled up and close my eyes. Pete was supposed to be taking care of kids. Instead, he was making the kids cry, making the house messier and couldn't figure out what to feed kids. "Honey, what should i feed kids for dinner." "honey, where are the wipes." "Honey, where is the diaper rash cream." and on and on and on. I mean seriously. How about you make the kids a fucking PB and J sandwich, and start opening your eyes and looking for the rest of the shit. I'm literally gonna pass out from the entire strenuous day and being sick, and in a pantry full of food can't come up with a dinner idea? That's just dumb. He was like Scuttle the seagull from the Little Mermaid, but instead of saying "This is this, and that is that" he was saying "where is this, and what is that." I just don't understand why moms being sick is much much less important that everyone else. Who the fuck do these men think takes care of everything for them always. Seriously, out of 365 days, I ask for one day to be taken care of and you are utterly clueless.
And........now Pete has strep. He has that pathetic "help me" look in his eyes. I'll help you all right! I'll help you stay awake and make sure the kids are louder than usual. I'll help you to the kitchen, so you can make the family dinner while you're sick. I'll help you feel desperate for 5 minutes of silence. I'll help you by giving you a swift kick in the ass. Cause guess what buddy...If I didn't get to ride first class on the pity plane, there's no way in fucking hell that you are! So, take that and your pathetic couch drop and SUCK IT!
Oh and Honey, I hope you feel better soon. Let me know if there's anything you need! NOT!
Mar 17, 2011
Ugh, it has literally been the winter from hell with the Brownings here in Alaska. Just one chaotic situation after another and sickness after sickness.
So, we've moved, again. I'm over it. If i ever have to move again, we're buying a fucking motor home and selling all our craigslist shit. Yes, I said craigslist. While I may be a snob when it come to my kids and their attire, upbringing/education, when it comes to myself, I'd rather buy items from craigslist that I know are solid wood or excellent construction than buy something cheap and composite that will flake apart in a matter of years. That being said, let's move back to the motor home. I just fucking refuse to move again. I am always the one to pack and label everything. I am always the one to unpack everything, and even if I don't move the boxes from point A to point B, whoever does, manages to fuck it all up. They put shit where I can't find it, then I become a raging psychotic bitch that no one can handle. Which they don't have to handle because I rule everything. EVERYTHING.
Speaking of ruling everything..............I managed to convince my loving and gullible husband that I needed a puppy. Which I did, I swear. So, yes, we have 4 dogs. But let's face it. My floors are usually cleaner than people without animals or with just one. Dogs define who I am. They make me feel like I didn't fuck up their life by whatever decision I didn't or did make. I get my goodnight kisses from them no matter what! And I have some good dogs. Well behaved. They don't have accidents. Only one is destructive cause he's mental;) But I love him despite his being "special." So, a puppy we searched for, a puppy we paid for and a puppy we brought home. The bringing home part was a bitch.
Pete was supposed to get Tuesday off(to go with me), he didn't. I was going to go Wednesday by myself to get the puppy....with 5 kids......adventurous. Kristina, who would have normally helped out with some kids was sick, so I was gong to take them. I woke up with strep. I was so sore and sleepy from no sleep and swollen glands that I wanted to shoot myself. I dragged myself to the clinic (5 kids in tow), the Dr. refused to give me a pcn shot, and gave me Zpak instead, which has a 20% fail rate. Well, we here at the Browning house live life by Murphy's Law, so of course the fail rate would apply to me. Anyways, the 2 hour drive to meet the breeders in Fairbanks was indeed hell. I could barely stay awake. And the kids were loud. I like silence in my car. No music, no games, no talking, just silence. Yeah, it's bitchy, but I deserve to have some place that is quiet and I demand it's in my car. My kids understand, the extra kids don't. Ugh. When we got there I tried to run errands. Peter and a girl I babysit refused to stay by me. I don't give a fuck what other parents do, or how other kids act with their parents. When you're with me in any store of any size, you keep your happy ass right by my side. You don't stray, you don't touch, you don't ask, you don't fucking misbehave period! Every rule was broken. By the time we left the store, each kid probably has a swollen forehead from getting flicked for being naughty. And, my finger hurt from the flicking.
Off to get Hannibal, we met the breeders, got the puppers, and ran more errands.
Next store......Sam's. A little better, not by much. The kids were OK, but one of them just kept hanging out of the cart and every time I tried to turn the Philippine made cheap ass cart, she'd smack her elbows on boxes and whatever was there. She'd cry but insist on hanging out still. I just started running into things on purpose to see how long it took her to get her whole body inside the cart like I had asked numerous times. She never did. Brilliance at it's best.
Then it was lunch time. Everyone wanted McDonald's...ummm..............no. 1) they are overpriced 2) they make me and my kids sick every time 3) I'm mean and anything they asked for they weren't getting. See how they like it! So, decided at stupid Sam's to eat there. Everyone got pizza and water (they wanted soda and sugary drinks).......and 2 of the 5 kids were so butt hurt they had tears in their eyes because they didn't get McDonald's and soda. When we were done, we went to car, and Hannibal shit in the crate. The whole van smelled like shit. So, not only did I throw up twice on the two hour drive to Fairbanks, but I threw up a third from cleaning up puppy poop. I doubt it would have been so bad if I wasn't sick, but i puked all over Sam's Club parking lot.....which was kinda cool since I hate their company and think they are economical Nazi's. Crisis taken care of, last errand. Wal-Mart, the other Nazi company. I was too flustered and pissed at the kids to even finish my list and I left the store. Kids that weren't mine were asking if they could have everything they went past. Kaidence was crying because she couldn't ride the Penny Horse. I said "fuck it" to the whole operation and left the store.
I was heading across town in Fairbanks, after WM fail, and the intersections were icy. At one stop light the van just kept sliding on the ice. I was close the rear ending a car and was able to drive to car into the cement median and stopped it short of hitting the guy in front of me. While being proud of myself for avoiding an accident and being clever by doing so, I noticed the guy I ALMOST hit was not as elated. That little wisp of a reject man actually got out of his car to yell at me. He came up to my window and started screaming. At one point, his spit hit me and his head was inside the vehicle. I guess "back off, my kids are in the car, and I have no problem hitting you next time" weren't enough to make him go away. I leaned over to the glove box and he wanted to know why I needed to get my insurance stuff. My response: "I'm not getting my insurance you stupid fuck, I'm grabbing my gun." Poof......man gone. Just like magic. Black magic. I also hope I gave him strep because I had only been on antibiotics for 4 hours.
Quiet ride home, puppy slept, kids slept, very peaceful. Still sick and fighting sleep, but better than listening to "123 NOT IT" or off key singing from some jiggy ass music that I wouldn't even listen to.
And Yes, I did name my puppy Hannibal Lechter. If anyone ever questions my character, refer them to the name of my puppy, and questions will cease, I promise.
So, we've moved, again. I'm over it. If i ever have to move again, we're buying a fucking motor home and selling all our craigslist shit. Yes, I said craigslist. While I may be a snob when it come to my kids and their attire, upbringing/education, when it comes to myself, I'd rather buy items from craigslist that I know are solid wood or excellent construction than buy something cheap and composite that will flake apart in a matter of years. That being said, let's move back to the motor home. I just fucking refuse to move again. I am always the one to pack and label everything. I am always the one to unpack everything, and even if I don't move the boxes from point A to point B, whoever does, manages to fuck it all up. They put shit where I can't find it, then I become a raging psychotic bitch that no one can handle. Which they don't have to handle because I rule everything. EVERYTHING.
Speaking of ruling everything..............I managed to convince my loving and gullible husband that I needed a puppy. Which I did, I swear. So, yes, we have 4 dogs. But let's face it. My floors are usually cleaner than people without animals or with just one. Dogs define who I am. They make me feel like I didn't fuck up their life by whatever decision I didn't or did make. I get my goodnight kisses from them no matter what! And I have some good dogs. Well behaved. They don't have accidents. Only one is destructive cause he's mental;) But I love him despite his being "special." So, a puppy we searched for, a puppy we paid for and a puppy we brought home. The bringing home part was a bitch.
Pete was supposed to get Tuesday off(to go with me), he didn't. I was going to go Wednesday by myself to get the puppy....with 5 kids......adventurous. Kristina, who would have normally helped out with some kids was sick, so I was gong to take them. I woke up with strep. I was so sore and sleepy from no sleep and swollen glands that I wanted to shoot myself. I dragged myself to the clinic (5 kids in tow), the Dr. refused to give me a pcn shot, and gave me Zpak instead, which has a 20% fail rate. Well, we here at the Browning house live life by Murphy's Law, so of course the fail rate would apply to me. Anyways, the 2 hour drive to meet the breeders in Fairbanks was indeed hell. I could barely stay awake. And the kids were loud. I like silence in my car. No music, no games, no talking, just silence. Yeah, it's bitchy, but I deserve to have some place that is quiet and I demand it's in my car. My kids understand, the extra kids don't. Ugh. When we got there I tried to run errands. Peter and a girl I babysit refused to stay by me. I don't give a fuck what other parents do, or how other kids act with their parents. When you're with me in any store of any size, you keep your happy ass right by my side. You don't stray, you don't touch, you don't ask, you don't fucking misbehave period! Every rule was broken. By the time we left the store, each kid probably has a swollen forehead from getting flicked for being naughty. And, my finger hurt from the flicking.
Off to get Hannibal, we met the breeders, got the puppers, and ran more errands.
Next store......Sam's. A little better, not by much. The kids were OK, but one of them just kept hanging out of the cart and every time I tried to turn the Philippine made cheap ass cart, she'd smack her elbows on boxes and whatever was there. She'd cry but insist on hanging out still. I just started running into things on purpose to see how long it took her to get her whole body inside the cart like I had asked numerous times. She never did. Brilliance at it's best.
Then it was lunch time. Everyone wanted McDonald's...ummm..............no. 1) they are overpriced 2) they make me and my kids sick every time 3) I'm mean and anything they asked for they weren't getting. See how they like it! So, decided at stupid Sam's to eat there. Everyone got pizza and water (they wanted soda and sugary drinks).......and 2 of the 5 kids were so butt hurt they had tears in their eyes because they didn't get McDonald's and soda. When we were done, we went to car, and Hannibal shit in the crate. The whole van smelled like shit. So, not only did I throw up twice on the two hour drive to Fairbanks, but I threw up a third from cleaning up puppy poop. I doubt it would have been so bad if I wasn't sick, but i puked all over Sam's Club parking lot.....which was kinda cool since I hate their company and think they are economical Nazi's. Crisis taken care of, last errand. Wal-Mart, the other Nazi company. I was too flustered and pissed at the kids to even finish my list and I left the store. Kids that weren't mine were asking if they could have everything they went past. Kaidence was crying because she couldn't ride the Penny Horse. I said "fuck it" to the whole operation and left the store.
I was heading across town in Fairbanks, after WM fail, and the intersections were icy. At one stop light the van just kept sliding on the ice. I was close the rear ending a car and was able to drive to car into the cement median and stopped it short of hitting the guy in front of me. While being proud of myself for avoiding an accident and being clever by doing so, I noticed the guy I ALMOST hit was not as elated. That little wisp of a reject man actually got out of his car to yell at me. He came up to my window and started screaming. At one point, his spit hit me and his head was inside the vehicle. I guess "back off, my kids are in the car, and I have no problem hitting you next time" weren't enough to make him go away. I leaned over to the glove box and he wanted to know why I needed to get my insurance stuff. My response: "I'm not getting my insurance you stupid fuck, I'm grabbing my gun." Poof......man gone. Just like magic. Black magic. I also hope I gave him strep because I had only been on antibiotics for 4 hours.
Quiet ride home, puppy slept, kids slept, very peaceful. Still sick and fighting sleep, but better than listening to "123 NOT IT" or off key singing from some jiggy ass music that I wouldn't even listen to.
And Yes, I did name my puppy Hannibal Lechter. If anyone ever questions my character, refer them to the name of my puppy, and questions will cease, I promise.
Mar 3, 2011
I'll admit, I'm fucked up!
Here are 40 Random things about me:
1) most of what comes out of my mouth is to get a reaction from people
2) my favorite color is orange
3) I love organization
4) I love peacocks
5) No matter what, I will stand by my husbands side
6) The person I most admire is Kristi
7) The person I least admire is anyone who comes in contact with me on a daily basis.
8) I secretly love that my kids are naughty
9) I don't pump my own gas, but have no problem getting under a car
10) I bite my nails
11) I think I'm ugly
12) I'm too mean
13) my new goals include appreciating people for their differences and flaw.....god knows i have a shit ton!
14) I love to swear
15) I love to make people laugh
16) I am not the person I'd like to be
17) I am more in love with my husband today than I was 14 years ago
18) I don't believe pop tarts , hot pockets, and hamburger helper are real foods!
19) I do however thing mac and cheese from the box is divine..yuk!
20) My food weakness is popcorn
21) my favorite drink is diet coke
22) favorite wine is moscato D'Asti
23) fav alchol is brandy in coffee
24) I think all child molester and abusers should die a slow death
25) I have stolen from a store
26) I have been rock bottom poor
27) I have no tolerance for people who expect government handouts for no work
28) I hate people giving me advice, yet I seem to give it freely
29) If I could shoot people and not go to jail, I probably would
30) I have psychotic road rage
31) I take zoloft
32) I am a dog hoarder! I would run a rescue if I could!
33) I am not cat person
34) my life's goal is to get a personal meeting between Rush Limbaugh and Jagoda Porolniczak and video tape it for profit.
35) I have great friends, I have untrustworthy freinds, and i have enemies. no matter what category they fall into I'd die for every single one of them.
36) Bobbi Jean will forever be my best friend
37) My daughter scares me, but she must never sense my fear!
38) I sincerely regret 50% of what comes out of my mouth
39) I am a serial steam cleaner
40) I really love my life and all it's ups and downs
1) most of what comes out of my mouth is to get a reaction from people
2) my favorite color is orange
3) I love organization
4) I love peacocks
5) No matter what, I will stand by my husbands side
6) The person I most admire is Kristi
7) The person I least admire is anyone who comes in contact with me on a daily basis.
8) I secretly love that my kids are naughty
9) I don't pump my own gas, but have no problem getting under a car
10) I bite my nails
11) I think I'm ugly
12) I'm too mean
13) my new goals include appreciating people for their differences and flaw.....god knows i have a shit ton!
14) I love to swear
15) I love to make people laugh
16) I am not the person I'd like to be
17) I am more in love with my husband today than I was 14 years ago
18) I don't believe pop tarts , hot pockets, and hamburger helper are real foods!
19) I do however thing mac and cheese from the box is divine..yuk!
20) My food weakness is popcorn
21) my favorite drink is diet coke
22) favorite wine is moscato D'Asti
23) fav alchol is brandy in coffee
24) I think all child molester and abusers should die a slow death
25) I have stolen from a store
26) I have been rock bottom poor
27) I have no tolerance for people who expect government handouts for no work
28) I hate people giving me advice, yet I seem to give it freely
29) If I could shoot people and not go to jail, I probably would
30) I have psychotic road rage
31) I take zoloft
32) I am a dog hoarder! I would run a rescue if I could!
33) I am not cat person
34) my life's goal is to get a personal meeting between Rush Limbaugh and Jagoda Porolniczak and video tape it for profit.
35) I have great friends, I have untrustworthy freinds, and i have enemies. no matter what category they fall into I'd die for every single one of them.
36) Bobbi Jean will forever be my best friend
37) My daughter scares me, but she must never sense my fear!
38) I sincerely regret 50% of what comes out of my mouth
39) I am a serial steam cleaner
40) I really love my life and all it's ups and downs
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