Plucking the grays will only get me so far with these three

Well, we've had another whopper of a week. We're trying to move into a new house, we keep getting pushed back, and I've finally decided that if we don't have our questions answered and a key by Friday, I am just busting a lock and moving in.  That's just the bitch of the situation.  Anyways, On to the stories so far this week!

Hunter is learning to crawl, which means I am screwed.  Three mobile Browning children is not what the Doctor (psychiatrist) ordered.  That mean instead of have 2 wild ones,  and one sweet one, I'll have three gaining up on me.  All I have to say (and my mother may disagree) Thank God I was a bad kid and teenager, cause I am well prepared for the shit these kids are going to try to pull. Chances are I've been there, done that...And I'll be one step ahead.  That's right you three, when you think you're sneaking out to a party and mom doesn't know, guess who'll show up in blue eyeshadow, bright red lipstick, and a bathrobe with a beer can and a cigarette....MOMMY! Hell, I'll probably beat them to the party. 

Hunter also got in a tooth.  He bit my tit while breastfeeding. It hurt so fucking bad, it was all I could do to not automatically drop him off my lap.  I jumped so high, it was a good thing I held him, cause I almost forgot.

And, he found his Penis in the tub!  Ain't that a lucky thing to find.  He likes to tug it, pull it, and then give himself a baby hard on....this is about the point where I ask Dad to take over, because no matter how young they are or how many boys I've had, that whole hard on thing just doesn't sit right with me.

Kaidence is still the boss. I plan to break her spirit within the next couple years, but we may wear each other down.  Lately she's been in a hurry for everything.  Including the bathroom.  She'll go pee, say she wiped when she didn't, and then run outside.  I finally had to pull her aside and tell her if she doesn't wipe good, she'll get an infection.  Well, since neither kid really knows what an infection in....that wasn't real helpful. So, the light bulb came on and I finally told Kaidence "You either wipe good or your vagina will rot off." Maybe not the best choice of words, but it definitely hit home with her, cause she started doing things correctly when she went to the bathroom.  Well, the whole lesson backfired when we went to post.  She went to the bathroom, and I was standing outside waiting for her.  She came out the door, pants around her ankles, and said "Mommy I wiped good, and look" pointing to her privates "my gina didn't fall off."  While I'm used to my kids saying the damnedest things in public, this threw me for a loop and I about died.  I rushed her back to the bathroom, got her pants on, washed her hand, and came out.  I was so surprised that they didn't have a ceremony and the Mother Of The Year award waiting for me when I returned.

And then there's Peter.  The little boy who stole my heart, wrecked my nerves, and made me immune to anxiety of child mishaps.  We have a 2 story deck.  A steep staircase into the yard from the deck, and he used his black racing sled to take a trip down them in the middle of summer.  Super smart idea...NOT!  I heard him go down and then the screaming. He fell off on one of the bottom stairs and said he couldn't walk.  I rush down there, which I usually don't do, because they over exaggerate their injuries quite frequently, and bent down to see the damage.  He has a huge bruise on his right side of his stomach.  It's swollen and disgusting.  I search for broken bone, protruding parts, and find nothing. I carry him upstairs and put a bag of frozen raviolis on it to reduce the swelling.  The next thing you know, he can walk just fine into the kitchen for ice cream.  It's a miracle he is healed, and I was duped!

Gotta love these kids of mine, and I feel sorry for everyone that doesn't have them in their life like Pete and I do...And in case you don't know who those people are....they're the ones without GRAY HAIR!